ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize