I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
