standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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