Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
