I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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