You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
