There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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