it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
