Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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