her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
