I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
