thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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