just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
