ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
