My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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