New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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