I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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