dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
