girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it was like eating out sand paper
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
