FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
