ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
