I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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