Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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