just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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