i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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