I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
