They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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