so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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