yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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