if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
