I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
