Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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