I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize