yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
