sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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