it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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