I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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