Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this boner is exhausting
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
