My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
