Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
