Will you blow on my dice?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
