she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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