i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
