I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
