I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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