You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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