Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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