his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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