1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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