what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
