i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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