Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
