I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
