What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
