I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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