I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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