ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
