I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
