people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
