I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
