I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
