There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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