i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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