My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
