Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
