ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
