so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
