i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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