he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
