Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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