wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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