Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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