he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
