he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
