It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
