if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
